Where to go from here... Start where you are.

Thanks to all of those who shared support for my first blog post.  

Several years ago, I watched a movie called "An Unfinished Life"... one of the lines near the end of the movie was really made me think.  

The story is about a young couple, who were in a car accident and the young man was killed. His pregnant wife felt guilty and left town. She bounced around from bad relationship to bad relationship.  

Desperately in need a place of respite, she returns to her angry father-in-law who grudgingly allows her and Griff, his granddaughter, to stay. Later in the movie the last boyfriend comes back to find her and the father-in-law asks her how she could end up with a lowlife like that.  

Her response... "I didn't think I deserved anything better."

That line resonated with me.  I felt like that... and yet, I knew it wasn't true. And that was where I started to find my way back.

Attending ARP allowed me to admit my life had become unmanageable in public, without being judged, (ARP is confidential) to share my story and know it would stay there. I also knew that everyone there had been in a similar position and felt their love and support.   Finally a place where I could share my feelings, and not be chastised.  It was a ray of hope.

One of the first things ARP encourages us to do is to pray.  Now that may seem like it's easy, but when I felt like I didn't deserve anything better, I certainly didn't believe that Heavenly Father wanted to talk to me. Needless to say, this activity sat on the back burner for a while. 

Knowing that I wasn't ready to pray, the group leader suggested another option, writing. Writing was a very therapeutic way for me to begin to work through my issues.  For some reason, that seemed to resonate with me.  

At the end of each step in the ARP manual are the action steps.  Each day or two, I would read the suggested reading and write whatever came into my head. So I started writing. And the tears started flowing... and flowing ... and flowing.  I didn't think they would ever stop.  It actually felt good to release some of the things that I had been holding in.  

A good friend taught me to remember to breathe and to let the feelings move through my body and release them.  To acknowledge what has come up... and to allow it to fade away. After it fades away, to imagine love or light flowing to fill in the space that held those feelings. She also encouraged me to drink lots of water after an emotional release. Drinking water flushes toxins out of the body. This is a perfect time to drink infused water. 

I am grateful for the ARP program, for the leaders and facilitators who have encouraged me on my new path.  I know that they played a big role in helping me to change my thoughts, and for just loving me for who I am.  

Attending ARP was one of the nicest things I had done for myself in a long time.

why I am starting this blog

For years I felt like life just happened to me. For years I felt like a victim.  For years I have felt that I am was just not worth a plug nickel.  For years I have felt helpless, hopeless and lost.  Then I had the opportunity to attend an Addiction Recovery Program at my church. That was the first step for me to take my life back.  

The First Step... Admit that you, of yourself are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable.

What is an addiction? To me, an addiction is a behavior that consumes time, resources and energy that would normally be used to fortify the family.  

Consider that there we have parts to us, a physical body, a spiritual body, and a mental body.  Happiness occurs when these three bodies are in balance.  When the physical body is in control, it is expressed in the form of addictions.  When the mental body is in control, depression is often the result.  In the case of an overly spiritual body, it might be called being a religious zealot.

So when my body was out of alignment... aka unhappy, I looked for something that felt like being happy... even if it was only temporary.  I turned to facebook games.  

Playing games allowed me to not think about my life and the "failure" that I felt I was.  It was starting to consume my life.  I spent most of the day playing games. I was doing just the minimum in my house hold responsibilities.

When the opportunity came to attend an ARP class, I jumped on it.  Although it was a bit intimidating... after all who wants to admit that they are not perfect right?  For me, it was the first step on this journey to healing myself.  Attending ARP was the one of the nicest things I have done for myself in a long time.  

Join me as I share my discoveries on my path to becoming whole. 

resources: 
This is a link to the ARP Manual
This is a link to listen to a meeting